Sunday, October 11, 2009
argh!!!!
the end.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
lots to blog about! hehehe..
September has been a great month for me. well, except for the bloody deadlines. hehe..
first of, terima kasih kawansejati ku semua yang planned a birthday surprise for me. hehehe. me love. me love. and the pressie! a bag! haha.. great for school! thanks alot!! love u guys.. hehe..
enjoyed so much. can see from pics uploaded in FB. hurhur..
then.. hari raya. haha.. i seriously tak rasa the atmosphere. puasa pun tak rasa the impact. tau tau dah raya. hahah.. but of coz lah, diyana mcm mak datin kan. hahah.. baju glam giler.. me likey.. lawa.. mestilah.. diyana yang pilih kain kat arab street. heheh. hoping to jalan raya with the guys this year. last year tak jalan.. tapikan.. mcm tak jadi jer.. busy lah wad lah.. haiz... upset upset..
okay.. confession sikit.
got in touch with the ex. wwoops! cerita panass!! haha.
yeap.. we did.. mlm raya. over msn.. and declaration. haha. he said that tak sia2 he dated me. and i jokingly asked, regret tak? and he said...yes to be honest. and he kept thinking abt me everyday. tried to get back with me but takut i reject.. haha.. that was unexpected. but yah... and he said something else.. which akak malu nak share.. hehe.. nanti korg ingat aku nie syiok sendiri pula. haha. tapi takpe. and yah.. he kinda asked me if i dont mind dating him. too late ma brother. which is sad.. but i guess, ada hikmahnye.. maybe he's never mine to begin with. tho i prayed and wished he was. haha. he's great ah.. cume, he got his insecurities got over him. he kept thinking that he's not good enough for me. well, im contented with what he has and who he is. can be improved but i was happy. but yah.. mungkin bukan jodoh?
and.... i met him semalam. azman. yeap. i did. i was in the cab otw home from tamp, he called. i was like shocked lah. then he said he's going to his aunty's house pat simei blk 134. so he asked nak jumpa tak? i said okalah. so i met him. he came ard 10ish to fetch me and drove over to the next blk to my aunty's place and we just sat there and caught up. he send me back home abt 11.15 coz he's going back to the office. but yah.. nice to finally meet an old friend.
i know i know.. dun play with fire. im not. we're just friends. tho we have feelings for each other, but we've moved on. and we know where we are. so i knew theres nothing going on btwn us. but i still didnt mention this to fadzli coz i know i'll break his heart. i just told him im meeting an old friend. he asked who but i didnt give him much detail. he guessed its an old bf but i lied. entah eh.. dunno why im doing this. i just dun want him to think too much. im just friends with my ex. i know i know, u can never be friends with the ex. but i guess, if u know ur limits, it should be fine. and yes... i wont hurt fadzli.. he's been a great bf. and whats more, im his very first gf! i know right... stress aku. nak kene jage betul2 nie.. cant let him have a bad experience with his first relationship. hahah.
but what was funny was that, fahrul also smsed me smlm. and dia yang upset i went to meet azman later that night. hahah.. entah nape, both my ex contacted me smlm. heheh. and i thought i saw him riding out from my carpark when azman was driving into my carpark to send me home. takkan dia spot check kan? heheh. told azman. he said, kawan takpe.. jgn ur bf. haha.. dia pun takut. =)
watched Ugly Truth tadi. hahaha.. not bad lah.. it was funny. hehehe.. and gerad butler.. my gerad butler... gggrrr... yummy yummy.. me like.. hehehe...
okay ppl!! going to sleep! going back to HGS tom! gonna see my kids for childrens' day!! hahaha.
the end.
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
i know u all miss me kan... sorry sorry never update blog. haha. ALOT to blog about but simply no time!! im suppose to be in bed lah but someone misses me soo much, he asked why never update. so here i am!! hahah.. i know.. so tak tau malu. hehe.
first off, guess who i dreamt of just now?
Hamad.
oh yes! i dreamt of him. hahah. maybe coz i miss him. hahah. but bf called to wake me up so poof! dream gone. told him.. he said why never dream of him.. haha.. can one really control who he dreams of?
second, thanks so much guys for the birthday wishes. haha.. didnt go and celebrate lah. seriously caught up with assignments that im going crazy right now. but finally gave in and went out buka with ibu and nenek.. coz she didnt cook. then we drop by geylang to find baju for BIL. reached home ard 12am. haha. mcm tak skolah gitu the next day. slept at 3am coz finished up my tutorials and readings.. haiz.. sian. wonder why i decided to go back to sch when im so happy working. hahaha.
thirdly, i miss all my friends!! hello!! when was the last time i met u guys!!? please please please.. make yourself free for jalan raya.. please.. we didnt have it last year.. please please.. tho this year will be different, but lets have fun jln raya together kay friends! =)
kay.. waiting for haidir to drive in my area. member dahde kereta lah.. haha. =)
the end.
Saturday, August 15, 2009
no need to say who gave me kan? haha.
boy dont i feel pampered!! asyik dapt cincin jer. hehe. but i love this one. the diamond bigger than the SK nyer. hehe.
he made me guess what his new love coupon was abt. i couldnt come out with anything. boy was i shocked when he took out the box from his pocket. i was like OMG!! already smiling but i was like OMG!! haha. he opened and i went OMG! hehe. i wouldnt have thought he bought me a ring. like we've been dating for only 1 month and he bought me a diamond ring from citigems??
as usual, i'll bug him with questions tho he set rules that im not allowed to ask. but i got my ans anyway. i felt bad lor!! like seriously.. the ring already made me feel bad. the price made me feel worse!! its 290 bucks. like hello!! thats like alot to spend on me??! i could have bought that samsung MP3 lor. hahah.
he bought it after watching movie with Wan n Kelvin. his female friend help him choose, Yuwen. hehe. he asked me when we first met if im angry with him for asking me to take out hamad's ring. said no lah. now he bought me a new one. haha. like wad... then asked him why. he said, just want to make me happy. hehe. i laughed before commenting that i must have been a really sad person that he had to spend 290 just to make me happy! hahah.
still have not recovered from shocked. hehe. kept staring on the ring on my finger. tho ive to keep it away from ibu lah. hehe. he said later ibu ask how? true. so yah. anyway, need to get it resized coz its huge on my boney finger! hahah. man... so unexpected. honestly didnt see that coming.
tho its making me feel very bad. like what have i done to deserve all this. what if he knows my past. will it change things? i know now that ive to try my best to make this work. its not fair to let it be one sided. he's done alot for me. its time i do the same.
anyway, bumped into Wan at whitesands while i was having lunch alone at BK. haha. his face, PRICELESS!! hehe. should have taken a snapshot lah! hahaha. funny lor. and i laughed alone. looked so bodoh! hehe.
bumped into my student as well. and my cheerleading girls called. finally they got their medals! haha. too bad i wasnt there to be part of it. tho i could lah since ive no lesson today. but yah.. tak invite, takkan nak dtg jer. heheh..
klah. shall try and sleep. been a long day.
nites world! =)
the end.
Monday, August 10, 2009
tot i have a nap from 4 to 5. but woke up at 6.30 instead. dunno why so lethargic today. maybe coz puasa and tak sahur. hehe. but anyway, super bloated now. *burp* alhamdulilah =)
will have to update some police matters and so we can submit the claim to court. seriously, im tired of doing this. haiz.
today is my last day of freedom! haha. not bad lah. been spending time with friends and bones. i so enjoyed our outdoor monopoly game! hahah. we should do it again. hehe.
i think i might be able to work things out with bones now. i realised that he really do care and is really sincere of his feelings. been meeting him quite often past few days. the board game, the car ride on the day he passed the test, national day. i enjoyed his company. every chance he got, he'll try to meet me. even if its just to accompany me buy a printer. haha. or having only 1.5 hours to spend with me national day night. an excuse to meet me he says. he's meeting me again tom after i end sch. sanggup travel all the way to NIE. haha. funny boy.
and he felt touched that i actually removed the ring from my finger. he was smiling like an idiot. haha. but i feel, i owe him that much after all that he's done for me. i still wouldnt say the word love. its too soon. but i will give him a chance.
alrighty then, back to work! =)
the end.
omg! nervous! scared!
aaarrrgghhhh!!!
im so freaking bored at home. haiz. can someone please date me out!? haha..
oh yes!! watching The Proposal with Wan!! cant wait! wanted to watch it back in Aussie but didnt got time to do so. I is cant wait!! =)
should probably do my tutorial now but kinda lazy.... hehe. man.. gotta buck up! im really nervous. afraid. oh God please help me.
my time-table super rilek!! =)
oh whee!! no sch on friday!! hahaha! rilek pe.. friday will be my dating-with-friends-or-bf day, my gym day, facial day and my driving day. huahuahua...
okay.. shall go watch tv.. maybe 5pm then will get started on things. hehe.
the end.
Thursday, August 6, 2009
he doesnt know my blog and i rather not him know.
i cried.
yes. i cried.
im spring cleaning. getting a new cupboard to replace the old. and come across to old love letters from hamad. first, a folder filled with his love poems,songs and letters. i stared at it. my heart went weak. i felt like crying but held back my tears. moved on to clean some more junk. found more letters. i opened one. and another. and another. then, tears. just like that. i cried. for about 3 mins. then i stopped. coz fadzli still online with me. he's already upset with me for feeling like crying when i saw the notes (he made me promise not to read the letters but i cant help it!) and for still wearing the ring.
him: haiz...gonna read?
me: staring at it..
him: please dont...
me: so tempted.. =(
him: theres no point... will only make u feel sad, emo, cry. why... why are u still doing this....
when asked if he's bothered about what fahrul said abt me deserving a better guy,
he said: more bothered by the ex thingy...
him: please dont be angry. but y u stil wearing the ring...
told him why...
him: okay...
me: upset?
him: can i say yes...
me: be honest
him: yes...
me: what can i do to make u feel better? again, be honest
him: not wear it? its not like i'm not understanding or i'm easily jealous or wad. even eunice teguh u abt it... any guy would be upset. alrite, i'm any guy in this case...
me: hmm.. okay..
omg. whats freaking wrong with me??!
god. i feel like crying again. why god!? help me please.
maybe i need to go thru a lie detector test. i need to know my honest true feelings at this moment. its killing me! i want to move on but i cant!! even without reading the letters, im still doubting myself to be in a relationship. i lost hope.
i cant do this. im weak. i really am.
the end.